Something Will Come Along
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"When Wings ended, I was recognized as Antonio Scarpacci. I was worried about how I was going to move on from that image. I wanted to do other things," he said. "Then Monk came along, it began to unravel that image. Then Monk went eight seasons, and I was just Monk. ... It's great but it can work against you as an actor. Then Maisel came along, and maybe it's starting to unravel that image. Who knows what will be next."
Pastor : Everything is more complicated than you think. You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won't know for twenty years. And you may never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out. Just try and figure out your own divorce. And they say there is no fate, but there is: it's what you create. And even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are only here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but it doesn't really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope that something good will come along. Something to make you feel connected, something to make you feel whole, something to make you feel loved. And the truth is I feel so angry, and the truth is I feel so fucking sad, and the truth is I've felt so fucking hurt for so fucking long and for just as long I've been pretending I'm OK, just to get along, just for, I don't know why, maybe because no one wants to hear about my misery, because they have their own. Well, fuck everybody. Amen.
The more open, "drop in", and casual an event is, the more likely it's fine if you invite yourself along, or just say you're going to show up. Examples: If a loose, friendly group regularly go out for lunch at work, or meet for drinks afterward, it's probably alright to come along one day. In this situation there's likely an unofficial standing offer where anyone who's interested can show up. It'd be too much trouble to formally ask everyone each time. The group just assumes everyone understands the unwritten open invitation. Of course, people who don't pick up on that assumption may unintentionally feel excluded.Similarly, if a bunch of friends meet every weekend to take part in some group activity, there may be an unspoken invitation that anyone who's interested in the same thing is welcome to come along and join in. Like say some friends go mountain biking every weekend. It would be a hassle to ask everyone they meet, "Hey, we mountain bike. Here's when we do it. Want to come?", but if you let them know you're interested too, they'd be more than happy if you came.In some social circles the friends will get together, but they won't always shoot out invites to every last person each time. It's more expected that everyone will keep up with what's going on, and take the initiative to get involved if they're interested.If someone in your social circle is throwing a party that seems pretty open to anyone, it's probably okay to ask if you can come. Or if you know a friend who's attending, to just go with them and show up. The organizer may even have assumed the open nature was so obvious they didn't have to officially invite you.If a bunch of people are meeting at a bar at a certain time, it's usually fine to say you may be there as well. It's a public place. They can't exactly forbid you from going.If a bunch of friends are seeing some kind of movie or concert, where it doesn't really matter how many people come along or not, and the attitude is often "the more the merrier", it's probably okay to ask if you can join.
I read around before writing this article, to see what other people had to say on the subject. For many of the situations below it was generally agreed you shouldn't invite yourself along: Inviting yourself over to people's places is frowned upon, at least in many Western cultures. It imposes too much on the person who lives there. Maybe if you were really good friends with someone and didn't do it too much it would be fine, but otherwise try to avoid it.Anything that takes preparation on the part of the host or organizer, or even costs them money, is iffy. For example if someone is hosting a small dinner party, you probably shouldn't ask if you could attend at the last minute.Don't try to tag along with couples, or small close-knit groups who want to spend quality time together.If an event just seems like the organizers want to keep it small.If the event involves just your one friend, and a handful of their friends you don't really know.If a bunch of friends are planning a road trip or going camping. It's one thing to show up at a party, it's another to insert yourself into a four-day excursion.In general, if a group seems genuinely cliquey, then think twice about inviting yourself along to something they're doing. Sometimes it is hard to tell though. A group of friends may be totally open to new people joining them, but are so close with each other they unintentionally give off an air of being exclusive.
There's no real trick to asking if you can come along to a get together. I would suggest you ask in a casual, friendly, "no pressure" tone. You don't want to seem desperate, more like you think it sounds interesting and may drop by, but if you can't come it's no big deal, and it wouldn't mortally offend you or anything. Ideally you've got lots of other stuff going on in your social life, so you have this attitude naturally.
In that happy, low key tone, you could say something like:"Is it cool if I come along?"(Hearing about a movie a bunch of friends are seeing) "Sounds fun. Mind if I come along?"(Hearing about a party an acquaintance is throwing) "Sounds like fun. Is it cool if I go to that? No worries if you want to keep it low key."(Hearing some people may meet a club this weekend) "Oh okay. Maybe I'll drop by later."(The classic indirect way) "Oh, that sounds like it'll be fun..." (and hope they get the hint and formally invite you. But if not, let it slide.)
A broader issue in whether inviting yourself is okay is how much will people like your company once you're there? If you're a fun, interesting person, who gets along well with everyone who's coming, then nobody's really going to protest if you appear. On the other hand, if you tend to be a little more of a "dead weight" friend, or are actively off-putting in some way, then everyone's less likely to appreciate you trying to horn in on their plans. If you can improve the overall social impression you make you'll give yourself more leeway to invite yourself to things.
I think that's often what's really at the heart of it when people ask if it's okay to invite themselves somewhere. They're really wondering, "Do these people like me and want me around?" For example, they're semi-close to a group they want to spend more time with, but they're usually not formally asked to join them when they hang out. They wonder if they should take charge and ask if they can come along, but they're also worried that everyone doesn't actually want them there. Maybe in the past they've spent time with these people, but have felt ignored or left out, or like they were quiet and boring.
Last year, I published a book describing how right-wing economics had come to dominate American politics. Whenever you write a book about something bad that's happening, you get asked for the solution. I'd shrug and admit that I didn't have one. The questioner would usually look slightly disappointed, so I'd add that nothing lasts forever, and eventually something will come along to change things. The financial crisis might be that something.
The gift will create an endowed chair within the department and will support clinical programming and translational research, enabling researchers to engage and track patients for longer periods of time to gain insight into positive and negative treatment outcomes with the potential to extend the lives of those with psychotic disorders. The donor, who made the gift anonymously, is a family member of a loved one with schizophrenia.
"Seeing firsthand the devastation of the effects that these diseases have on not just the individual, but the whole family, I believe we need to try anything possible to help alleviate the pain of these experiences," said the donor. "We keep hoping that something will come along that helps slow the progression of psychotic disorders. If we can work with patients through their first episodes so we can hopefully prevent future ones, that will be the key to improving lives."
Micawber is responsible for a major financial setback to another character. The hardworking, reliable Tommy Traddles, who is saving to furnish a home for the young woman he hopes to marry, allows his optimism to overcome his common sense. He "lends his name" to Micawber by co-signing for his rent, and when Micawber fails to pay, Micawber's creditors seize all of the Micawber family's furniture and personal effects, along with those of Traddles. Although Traddles eventually recovers the little round table and flower pot that symbolize his hopes for future happiness, he hampers himself financially by paying off Micawber's debt.
Micawber is known for asserting his faith that "something will turn up." His name has become synonymous with someone who lives in hopeful expectation. This has formed the basis for the Micawber Principle, based upon his observation in Chapter 12:
Every day, I talk to someone who wants something badly: a postdoc looking for his first industry research role or an applications scientist who feels that her destiny is to become one of the company's highly paid regional sales managers. This extends up the career ladder, where vice president-level candidates for CEO jobs I recruit for deliver presentations at what I'd call a fever pitch. 2b1af7f3a8